We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize