The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
