Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
