I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
im six kinds of drunk right now
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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