had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
