If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
