Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
