now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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