ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
