Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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