you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
