Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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