My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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