i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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