God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
