I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
