At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Randomize
