Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
