matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
