Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
