you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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