dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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