I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
