You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Randomize
