im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize
