Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
you inspire me to be a worse person
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Randomize
