Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Still dying that you shit outside
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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