Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
