he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
