It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
there is glitter all over my balls
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
