Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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