I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
