My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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