How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize