He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
