I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
