i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
