I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
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