you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I am midnight drunk by noon
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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