I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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