I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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