I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Randomize