A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Randomize
