She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
