i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
