Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
