Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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