I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
