Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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