What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
