ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
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