wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Randomize
