when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
