I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
