New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
