Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
