Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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