So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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