Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
