I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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