maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
