I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
