batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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