guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
