First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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