I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
