my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
