In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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