If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
