Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
