I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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