My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
