Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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